Cosmic Law of Key West. Never trust a Statue. Just remember that.

I applied for the street artist permit and was accepted. $100 for a year. I have to wear a badge or else. The photo on it looks pathetic. They treated us like vagrants and pretty much just shouted down our throats, "No Drinking! Everything must have a price tag! You can sell it for less, but not more! No tables! And you only get one chair. Only easels are allowed! Nothing else!" Who the hell pays more than on the tag? Do these people know anything about commerce?



The gold man here is not the infamous gold man I may have mentioned previously. It's another one. Piper is set up for face painting in the background. This is a gold soldier carrying a flag. He apparently gives 50 percent of his tips to the VFW. The other gold man has been bumming dingy rides for six months until recently when I let him know it's over. That wasn't pretty. He has no business on the water. Someone, however, sold him a boat for $400 and there he is. It's that easy!

Selling art on the street has improved my chances for success. One day, while set up on the street, a lady showed interested in my work. Her friend was british and said, How much? Twenty dollars! You ought to be ashamed!", as she wagged her finger like Stephen Colbert. "How about $10?"

The man with them the spoke up, "You not even buying it, shut up."
The woman replied, "I'm an antique dealer".
"So what, he doesn't care", responded the first lady.

"Yeah, I won't do $10." No sell. Oh, Well. People always haggle, but no one pays more than the listed price.

I am also still setting up at Sunset Celebration, but not as much. Here is Nina and her back-ups. She is really good. She's thirteen.



Piper has been face painting at Mallory every now and then. She's been doing pretty good. It pays for dinner sometimes. The Gold Soldier goes by the name Serge. It's Russian. I don't know how to spell it. One day he was set up across from Piper. He was very weird, but he did well. He actually has an act. He gives candy to the kids. That helps.



The other day, Serge (pronounced sir gay), the Gold Soldier asked if he could borrow my bike. I was set up in front of the Hard Rock Cafe at the time. I was hesitant, but he said he really needed spray paint from Home Depot and I agreed to let him use my bike and trailer while I sold on the street. I was there for five hours and he never came back. I had all of my art to haul back and my only transportation was missing in action. I packed everything as best I could and carried the whole lot three blocks to my friend Melanie's house.

I went to Mallory and asked around, but nobody had seen Sir Gay. I began speaking with the other statues hoping they had heard from him.
"He's probably in jail!" said Silver Man, formerly known as CopperTop. He used to be copper man until the other silver man was arrested for dealing heroin. By the way, Coppertop used to bum rides with the other gold man. They had met each other through Gold man's wife. She was cheating on him. You'd think after having nine consecutive kids with a man, you would be a little more faithful. Or maybe not. I guess since grandma is raising the kids, you still have time to do the Duval Crawl. (Duval St. is the main drag) Gold man took Coppertop under his wing because he felt sorry for the way his wife had treated him. These two fellas are the real married couple; you can tell by the way the bicker. Anyway, all these statues seem a little shady or mentally ill, but they all believed that SirGay was probably in jail.

I felt like decking Serge when I found him. Piper was worried I would. I also thought he was in an accident and probably in the hospital. My friends, Blake and Emily, saw me on the street and insisted I forget about the bike, It's lost forever, and to have a margarita. So, I did. I forgot about it all and then Piper appeared in front of the bar, surprised to see me. "I found him", she said. "He's in jail for battery. We found him online". We would have never recognized him without his glasses and his gold paint. But Melanie, with her acute sense of perception, recognized him right away.

We called the police about my bike, but they said the property office was closed until tomorrow. The next day, I walked to the police station and tried to claim my bike. It was registered as belonging to Raymond Something. It wasn't under my name or Serge's. They gave me an incident report. It said that Serge was riding down the busiest road in town, insisting he had just as much right away as other vehicles. People were honking at him in a long line. When the road opened up to two lanes in front of the police station, he threw a can out of my basket at a car. Well, she turned out to be one tough little stripper and followed him and pushed him off the bike. When the cops showed up, he was choking her and trying to push her into traffic. There were lots of witnesses. The police said I could not have my bike back unless I had a receipt. NO OTHER WAY, SIR! Luckily, I bought it at West Marine and they had the purchase on file. The police made me sign a paper that stated I did not sell my bicycle to Sir Gay. I was able to get my bike and the trailer, but not the hitch, bike lock, my lights and extension cord. I was still very happy. It would have cost me a lot of money to replace my transpo. The officer asked me, "Did you learn anything?"

I said, "Yeah, Never trust a statue."

Watch Goldie here. He goes straight for the boobs.



Fantasy Fest happened. It was interesting, but I was glad to see it go. I have never seen so many old naked ladies in my life. Apparently, it gets really nasty at night. We decided to stay home. We did see the parade. It was the highlight.



It was a very long parade. Lots of beer was being given away from the floats. People were dancing and prancing around naked. Just a bunch of S&M pageant girls. It reminded me of how dumbed down America has become. We'll assemble to party, but not for peace.









Everyday, we pick trash out of the sea on our dingy ride. Here was an interesting find. Below is another Manatee. It's always fun to witness one.



Shanti is Cliff's boat. We had dinner aboard her one night just before Thanksgiving. There were a lot of people there. It was cold. We had salad, cheese and crackers and some kinda pasta with scallops. It is always interesting to have a party on a boat. People come and go and watching the parking lot shuffle is fascinating.




















This is the coolest front yard ever.





We have been going to a lot of Christmas parties. This one was the Boys N Girls Club party at the Schooner Wharf. We were in the Christmas Parade with the Boys N Girls Club. Piper started the recycling program at the club. They decided to make a green float as well.









This is Piper on Christmas Day wearing her crochet Christmas beret.





Well, there is a lot more to say. But it'll have to wait. Below is a podcast we posted on youtube with video of a sea turtle. We did this so you can see it on full screen. In order to see it on full screen in high quality, you must first double click on the video so it takes you to YouTube. Then just underneath the video in blue letters are the words "watch in high quality". Click on those words, then click the enlarge window option square just above those words. Peace Out.